Is It In Your DNA?

How was "business" understood in your family growing up? Did you talk about "business"? Were members of you family involved in running a business?

When your family (especially your parents) talked about money, was it discussed openly and calmly or was it a stressful secretive conversation?

How did your family tend to think about "businessmen"? (If you're my age, there weren't a lot of conversations about business women.)

What word comes to mind, from your family and childhood, when you hear the word "work"?

I grew up in a military family so we didn't talk about business. We talked about Dad's career but not "business". When my dad retired from the military, he bought a small roofing and siding business. He was.....OK at running a business. I suspect he made too many decisions from emotions (especially his hiring decisions) and the business struggled.

As for money....we may "honor" our troops but we don't pay them very well. Yeah, yeah, yeah, "free" healthcare, "cheap" commissary and PX, "paid" moves. It adds up to less than you think if you didn't grow up in the military and my parents were usually stressed in one way or another about money. They didn't talk about it openly but when you're a kid, you know.

Because of the military background the word that comes to mind, immediately, for me when I think of work is "professionalism". That was a strong motivator for my dad. "Honor" is probably in there too. I now realize how deeply rooted those ideals are in me. Being a professional, and taking our profession seriously, is instinctive for me.

What you saw and experienced in your family around "business", "money", and "work" are a permanent part of your perception of these things. That may be a huge benefit or a significant hindrance but it's there, it's definitely down in you.

I recently read something (can't remember what) that made me realize that people who grew up in families that were involved in running businesses, especially successful small businesses, enter adulthood and their own small businesses with an advantage. They've been steeped in it for years. They may already have a deeply ingrained (and hopefully healthy) sense of what it means to be a smart / good / successful business person.

Re-connect with the person you were as a kid and then answer these questions without too much pondering or analysis. What's the first thing that pops up in your mind?

Business is:

Businesspeople are:

Money is:

Work means:

Take a look at your answers. How much is this affecting your massage practice today?

You Will Never Hear Me Talk About....

Recent client. Middle-aged. Overweight. Single parent. Stressful job. Financial struggles. The weekly massage is the best part of the week, hands down.

Mentioned that in recent visits to both the chiropractor and the physical therapist they directly and indirectly mentioned weight and that the client needs to lose it. Client said "you have no idea how I feel when someone says that. I feel like they're saying 'you're bad, you're broken' and I just don't need to hear that!"

And I said "And that's why you will never ever hear me 'advise' you about your weight."

I've talked about this in some online forums before. I think it is tricky (at best) and irresponsible / way outside our scope of practice (at worst) to engage our clients, unbidden, in a conversation about their weight. I have very little to say about it even if the client starts the conversation.

1.  I am not professionally trained in weight management. In my massage room with my clients, I am the professional. There is no way to have that conversation and not have it be perceived as coming from a "professional".

2.  I do not keep up with the current research or medical literature on weight management. So anything I say is extremely likely to be out of date, at best.

3.  I get most of my info about weight management from the same places my clients do -- the internet, TV, newspapers, and my doctors (who, frankly, aren't up to date on this either). So I've got nothing new to add to this conversation.

4.  My personal experience is just as confusing and frustrating as the client's.

5.  I've yet to meet a client that didn't know if they were overweight (and didn't feel sh***y about themselves because of that sometimes). Every one of them knows at least as much as I do about weight management.

6.  I don't want to make someone feel crappy about themselves unless I'm 100% certain that I can give them something useful to counter-balance the crappy feeling. When it comes to weight management, I can't. I cannot know how someone will hear my comments about weight management and it's not worth the risk.

7.  People are coming to me as a massage therapist. Not a dietician. Not a nutritionist. Not an MD. Not a naturopath. I don't comment on their thyroid levels, their liver functions, or their visual acuity either because these are outside my scope of practice and I don't know enough about to discuss intelligently.

But (you may cry) we're health care professionals! There's an obesity crisis in this country! Don't we have an obligation to say something about that?!?

If we're not trained, not current on the research, and getting our information from the mass media then NO we should not say anything. That's not what a professional does.

And why am I talking about this in a blog about business and massage? Because it pisses me off.

It makes me angry when I'm quizzed or lectured about my weight by a massage therapist who barely knows me (the ones who do know me know better than to say anything).

It drives me nuts that some MTs think calling ourselves "health care professionals" gives us license to talk about anything we want to.

But mostly because I heard the frustration in my client's voice, I saw the pain on my client's face, and I know enough about my client's life to know they really are, honest to God, doing the very best they can with the resources they have. They deserve to be treated better than that. All our clients do.

Business: A Metaphor

I met with a woman yesterday to coach her through setting up her energy healing practice. It became apparent -- as it often does for many of us -- that she has a conflicted relationship with money and business.

Loves her work. Grudgingly accepts that if it's going to provide some needed income, she needs to treat it as a business.

A picture came to me. I drew it on the whiteboard and explained it to her. It resonated with her.

A well-organized business provides the supportive infrastructure that frees our hands to do our work.

Imagine, as in the picture above, a simple clay bowl. In the bowl is some wax and a wick. From that wick, a flame burns.

The bowl is our businesses -- our rates, hours, marketing, bank accounts, scheduling and payment processing procedures, bookkeeping, licenses, insurance, website, business cards, business ethics, etc.

The flame is the healing work we do. Our passion. Massage therapy. Energy healing. End of life care. Whatever it is you do that burns brightly in your heart and soul.

Without the flame, the bowl has no purpose.
Without the bowl, the flame can only burn for as long as the match that brings it into being endures.


The bowl doesn't need to be fancy or complicated. But it does have to be the right size, shape, and construction for the flame it will support.

Do you have a well-constructed bowl for your flame? Is it just the right size? Is it in good condition? Or are you trying to burn from a match, re-lighting and re-lighting and re-lighting it?

Contraindications for Business

I've been moving much more slowly for the last month or two because of  my mom's death. I've decided this is not the time for big decisions or significant changes to my practice.

It's not easy, frankly. I don't think I'm unusual in that when I'm in a period of transition, especially one that's best served by moving low-and-slow, I just want to do something. It's also tempting to want to change things as a distraction from all these messy emotions.

So many of us are already not operating from our strongest position when it comes to the business aspect of our practices, especially if it involves money or numbers. If you add the complicating factors of personal loss, change, or pain and that's a recipe for a bad decision.

The recovery community used the acronym HALT to identify the times when you shouldn't make big decisions.

Hungry
Angry
Lonely
Tired

I'd probably add Scared or Loss (SHALLT?).

But sometimes you don't have that luxury. You've already started some change or circumstances force you to make significant decisions. It happens. That's a time to take advantage of trusted colleagues and friends. Bring them into the decision-making process. Have them "check your work", offer feedback. Take advantage of additional brains, eyes, and hearts.

I had coffee yesterday with business coach Jodi Scholes. Last year I had decided that one of my goals in 2014 was to move my practice out of the house. I want to do that even more right now (probably that "I want to do something" urge).

I was able to lay out all my circumstances and get her feedback on both moving my practice and how to be ready for some of the other possible changes later this year. I had so many options and opportunities floating around in my head I was getting a headache! She was able to cut through the confusion and see some things I hadn't seen and help me dream bigger than I would have on my own.

All while encouraging me to do this as slowly as I can. It was great advice and I feel a lot calmer. More importantly, I feel supported. I'm not alone. I have someone I can trust and turn to.

It'll be OK.

Business Education? Where????

If you're like me, you were launched into massage therapy without sufficient business education. I love and respect my alma mater (and they've definitely expanded the biz education since I graduated) but I came out with very little practical knowledge about business.

When I begin one of my business classes I admit I am entirely self-taught, which means all I can give anyone is practical information. Not much on the academic side (find an MBA for that). But where does one get practical, useful business education?

Thankfully, the picture has improved a lot in the last 15 years. Here are some you've probably thought about and a few you might not have.

The Healing Core

OK, this is blatant self-promotion since this is the small training company I co-own and through which I teach Business, Bite-Sized. Right now our courses are only available in Washington DC, though if you'd like to sponsor us, we love a good road trip!

American Massage Therapy Association or Associated Bodywork and Massage Professionals

Both offer online courses. ABMP has more practical information in their magazine. AMTA has an annual convention that offers business courses (taught by MTs to MTs). I especially love the class taught by Margo Bowman (bookkeeping and taxes). She'll be at the convention in Denver in September.

At Peace Media

They are developing quite the library of online videos and webinars, including a growing list about business subjects. I did my first webinar with them in March on how to assess the health of your practice (how are you really doing?). When you have an option to search their listings by modality, enter "business".

Community colleges

If you'd like to get a basic academic understanding of business, look for a 100-level class in their business or business administration listings. Check to see what their policies are for people who want to take a single class rather than pursue and AA degree. Check whether courses are in-classroom or online. You may not have to live near the college to take advantage of what they've got to offer.

Your local college / university

I just discovered that UDC (University of the District of Columbia) has their own continuing ed offerings (though they don't fulfill MT licensing requirements) on very practical business skills. I'm taking a 6-week online course this summer on building a WordPress website. They have several other offerings that look good to me too and they're all online and very affordable.

Colleges and universities may also have special deals for locals who aren't pursuing a degree but want to take a class here and there.


There are more and more places you can get practical business education and a lot of it is online. Dig a little and see what's out there that can help you.

Private Practice Fatigue

In my last post, I shared the challenges I'm facing right now following my mom's death. As part of my "respect your grief" process, I'm only doing those things that absolutely must be done (being ready when a client arrives, for example). I'm also checking in with myself about what I feel able to do at any given time.

Consequently, a lot of things I normally do are not happening. It makes me realize in part that I am often one busy hummingbird of a business owner! My (still) limited energies point out to me how much energy it takes to run a private practice. I'm in the middle of it so often I don't see it.

Many of us come to a point where we say "I'm tired of making money for other people! I'm going to open my own practice!!" It's what launches many of us into private practice.

Then we discover how much work it is and how many things have to be done by guesswork (especially things like marketing; who knows what really works for any given practice??). I find that the ratio of "hours spent running the practice" to "hours spent with clients" is 3:1 or 2:1 in any given week.

I know that in a few years when my re-built practice is fully up to speed, it might get down to 1:1. Experience, however, suggests that the "practice management" tasks will always take up at least half of my time in a week.

I'm seriously contemplating whether it isn't time to close the doors on my private practice, find a group practice I respect, and let someone else do the bulk of the practice management tasks (for which I will happily share a percentage of the income!). I've realized that the energy that would be freed up could go to my writing and my teaching, which are getting the scraps of time and energy these days.

Private practice isn't inherently better or worse than working for someone else. There are a lot of satisfactions that come with it and a lot of freedom. What is important is to get a brutally honest picture of what it takes and what it gives, be painfully honest with yourself about your strengths and weaknesses, and make a decision fully informed.

My pondering continues.

To Strive. Or Not. An Existential Dilemma

I haven't posted much since the end of February. This has been an emotionally grueling year and I find myself questioning some fundamental attitudes towards work, business, and self.

In January, my mother's accelerating dementia led her assisted living facility to suggest we bring in hospice for a consultation. We did and they agreed Mom was a candidate.

Dementia has a perverse "gift": you get lots of time to anticipate decline and departure. I'd been anticipating her death for many months before that but the decision to join with hospice still swept my legs out from under me emotionally. I was a mess for a while.

I had a long-planned month-long trip to Australia set for mid-March. My sisters and I agreed that I should go. We had no idea how Mom's decline was going to actually progress (hint: it's never as linear as you discover you've secretly expected).

When I arrived in Australia in mid-March I found myself unwilling to stay connected to my professional life. I checked in with my sisters regularly and otherwise simply enjoyed myself. I visited friends and places I had loved while I lived there. Periodically I would stop and say to myself "I feel...happy. Just....happy." I realized I hadn't felt that for a long time.

On April 17, 2 days before I returned to DC, my mother died. Thanks be to God that she was finally liberated from a body that had ceased to be able to truly support her. I wish she'd been liberated sooner.

Again, long-anticipated but it still knocked me for a loop. I briefly considered seeing clients the next week but everyone told me that was a crazy idea so I closed my practice for a week. My primary experience of that week and her funeral was of fatigue and a marked mental slowness/fogginess.

I'm not so much missing my mom right now as finally raising my head from 20 years of increasing responsibility, with my sisters, for my parents' life and health. I find myself only just now realizing how much of myself that took and wondering what I do now.

But, of course, I re-opened my practice this week. Gotta work! Blessedly, the schedule was light because I'm still plagued by fatigue and mental swiss-cheese-y-ness.

Today I had what I consider an optimal schedule -- 4 hours of appointments, reasonably spaced. And yet, by the end of the day, I was drained and had a thumb that throbbed with pain (as in "can't hold a glass or grip a toothbrush" pain). That's extremely rare for me.

On top of all of this, I learned (one week before my mom died) that my husband's job may present me with an opportunity at the end of the year to make dramatic changes in my professional life.

Here's what I find myself pondering in the middle of the night (husband snores, might as well blog!).

Conventional wisdom is that running your own business is hard work and takes a lot of energy, focus, and commitment. There's always something more you could be doing. You are, in effect, always striving. That is the path to success / financial stability. That's certainly the way I've been running my practice for 14 years!

However, the path to emotional / spiritual / psychological health for me is the opposite. Ease, gentle application of energy, non-attachment. Not striving. Deciding what to do today, tomorrow, this month, this year by listening to my body, heart, and soul. Trusting that my life will be abundant and right by trusting the voices of my body, heart, and soul.

Which usually means doing less than conventional wisdom suggests is necessary to run a stable, full, healthy business.

I really really want to be financially stable. I want a robust practice and a beefy client base. My family and heritage believe that hard work (grunt!) is the only way to get what you want out of life. Push, struggle, head down, strive!

I also really really want to be emotionally, spiritually, and psychologically healthy. Sane. With a nervous system that isn't taut enough to be plucked like a banjo string.

On the one hand....on the other hand....

My experience is that decisions rarely come down to either / or. There is virtually always a third choice, though it may take some time to figure out what that is. I'm sure there's a third choice here. I can't see it from where I stand (OK, sit) tonight.

What does it mean to be a massage therapist? A business owner? A 53-year-old woman with no more parents? A human being?

What -- in 5, 10, 20 years -- will I be pleased that I invested my energy in?

Tonight (I think it's actually become "this morning") I don't have the answers. Given that I'm grieving, I'm not going to make any drastic changes to my life or my work. But I will ponder.