You Will Never Hear Me Talk About....

Recent client. Middle-aged. Overweight. Single parent. Stressful job. Financial struggles. The weekly massage is the best part of the week, hands down.

Mentioned that in recent visits to both the chiropractor and the physical therapist they directly and indirectly mentioned weight and that the client needs to lose it. Client said "you have no idea how I feel when someone says that. I feel like they're saying 'you're bad, you're broken' and I just don't need to hear that!"

And I said "And that's why you will never ever hear me 'advise' you about your weight."

I've talked about this in some online forums before. I think it is tricky (at best) and irresponsible / way outside our scope of practice (at worst) to engage our clients, unbidden, in a conversation about their weight. I have very little to say about it even if the client starts the conversation.

1.  I am not professionally trained in weight management. In my massage room with my clients, I am the professional. There is no way to have that conversation and not have it be perceived as coming from a "professional".

2.  I do not keep up with the current research or medical literature on weight management. So anything I say is extremely likely to be out of date, at best.

3.  I get most of my info about weight management from the same places my clients do -- the internet, TV, newspapers, and my doctors (who, frankly, aren't up to date on this either). So I've got nothing new to add to this conversation.

4.  My personal experience is just as confusing and frustrating as the client's.

5.  I've yet to meet a client that didn't know if they were overweight (and didn't feel sh***y about themselves because of that sometimes). Every one of them knows at least as much as I do about weight management.

6.  I don't want to make someone feel crappy about themselves unless I'm 100% certain that I can give them something useful to counter-balance the crappy feeling. When it comes to weight management, I can't. I cannot know how someone will hear my comments about weight management and it's not worth the risk.

7.  People are coming to me as a massage therapist. Not a dietician. Not a nutritionist. Not an MD. Not a naturopath. I don't comment on their thyroid levels, their liver functions, or their visual acuity either because these are outside my scope of practice and I don't know enough about to discuss intelligently.

But (you may cry) we're health care professionals! There's an obesity crisis in this country! Don't we have an obligation to say something about that?!?

If we're not trained, not current on the research, and getting our information from the mass media then NO we should not say anything. That's not what a professional does.

And why am I talking about this in a blog about business and massage? Because it pisses me off.

It makes me angry when I'm quizzed or lectured about my weight by a massage therapist who barely knows me (the ones who do know me know better than to say anything).

It drives me nuts that some MTs think calling ourselves "health care professionals" gives us license to talk about anything we want to.

But mostly because I heard the frustration in my client's voice, I saw the pain on my client's face, and I know enough about my client's life to know they really are, honest to God, doing the very best they can with the resources they have. They deserve to be treated better than that. All our clients do.

Business: A Metaphor

I met with a woman yesterday to coach her through setting up her energy healing practice. It became apparent -- as it often does for many of us -- that she has a conflicted relationship with money and business.

Loves her work. Grudgingly accepts that if it's going to provide some needed income, she needs to treat it as a business.

A picture came to me. I drew it on the whiteboard and explained it to her. It resonated with her.

A well-organized business provides the supportive infrastructure that frees our hands to do our work.

Imagine, as in the picture above, a simple clay bowl. In the bowl is some wax and a wick. From that wick, a flame burns.

The bowl is our businesses -- our rates, hours, marketing, bank accounts, scheduling and payment processing procedures, bookkeeping, licenses, insurance, website, business cards, business ethics, etc.

The flame is the healing work we do. Our passion. Massage therapy. Energy healing. End of life care. Whatever it is you do that burns brightly in your heart and soul.

Without the flame, the bowl has no purpose.
Without the bowl, the flame can only burn for as long as the match that brings it into being endures.


The bowl doesn't need to be fancy or complicated. But it does have to be the right size, shape, and construction for the flame it will support.

Do you have a well-constructed bowl for your flame? Is it just the right size? Is it in good condition? Or are you trying to burn from a match, re-lighting and re-lighting and re-lighting it?

Contraindications for Business

I've been moving much more slowly for the last month or two because of  my mom's death. I've decided this is not the time for big decisions or significant changes to my practice.

It's not easy, frankly. I don't think I'm unusual in that when I'm in a period of transition, especially one that's best served by moving low-and-slow, I just want to do something. It's also tempting to want to change things as a distraction from all these messy emotions.

So many of us are already not operating from our strongest position when it comes to the business aspect of our practices, especially if it involves money or numbers. If you add the complicating factors of personal loss, change, or pain and that's a recipe for a bad decision.

The recovery community used the acronym HALT to identify the times when you shouldn't make big decisions.

Hungry
Angry
Lonely
Tired

I'd probably add Scared or Loss (SHALLT?).

But sometimes you don't have that luxury. You've already started some change or circumstances force you to make significant decisions. It happens. That's a time to take advantage of trusted colleagues and friends. Bring them into the decision-making process. Have them "check your work", offer feedback. Take advantage of additional brains, eyes, and hearts.

I had coffee yesterday with business coach Jodi Scholes. Last year I had decided that one of my goals in 2014 was to move my practice out of the house. I want to do that even more right now (probably that "I want to do something" urge).

I was able to lay out all my circumstances and get her feedback on both moving my practice and how to be ready for some of the other possible changes later this year. I had so many options and opportunities floating around in my head I was getting a headache! She was able to cut through the confusion and see some things I hadn't seen and help me dream bigger than I would have on my own.

All while encouraging me to do this as slowly as I can. It was great advice and I feel a lot calmer. More importantly, I feel supported. I'm not alone. I have someone I can trust and turn to.

It'll be OK.