Why I've Given Up On Exchanging

note: "barter" has specific meaning to the IRS which is why I use "exchange".

I've been trying to find someone to help me get my website on a new platform. My go-to person for web services insists on exchanging massage for her services. She says it's a way to make sure she gets the massages she loves so much.

However, she's been "working on" getting me some information about this platform change for 8 months. I'm not waiting for my website, I'm waiting for information about the process!

When you are "paying" another professional for their services with massage, you are always going to be a lower priority than a client who is paying them with cash. And I can't blame them. I'm a small business. Getting paid, cash flow is a high priority for me too. I understand. I just hate having to wait. And wait. And wait. And, no, withholding the massage doesn't seem to make any difference.

I've also given up on exchanging massages. Like exchanges for service, it's too easy to cancel the exchange massage when a paying client calls and wants that time. Wouldn't you choose a paying client over an exchange client?

I want the freedom to try lots of therapists or to hang in there with just one. When I'm paying, I get the massage when I want it, not when there's no one else angling for that time.

I get massage every 3-4 weeks now and I pay for it. Something I've come to realize is that paying for my massages has an added benefit: I'm reminded every time what it's like to be a paying client. I have a new chance to empathize with my client's experience. That's (almost) as valuable as the massage itself. It's very humbling to have a therapist do something you dislike when you know you do that very same thing!

It's good to stay humble.

So, if you want my services, be prepared to pay. Because, no, I'm not interested in trading massages for them.

The Challenge? Do Less.

Too often, I find myself in the midst of a crazed schedule that has me mapping out every waking hour of the day. I hate these periods. I don't quite know how I end up in them but I'm in another one and it's screwing up my sleep, my health, and my attitude.

Clients. Health care appointments. An AMTA event for massage therapy awareness week. And I'm leaving Friday morning to watch my niece compete in the national junior rodeo in Waco.

How busy is this week? I'm still trying to figure out when I have 45 minutes to pack for the weekend. I may have to do that tonight because I don't see any other open spaces on my calendar before my flight leaves Friday morning!

It's an ongoing challenge for me, this over-scheduling. I see a blank space on my calendar and say "yes, I can put xyz in that slot. It's empty after all."

I have a chalkboard in my bedroom and I write inspirational phrases on it. These phrases are meant to be good for months or the year. Two weeks ago I wrote "Do Less".

Does that phrase panic you? Are you convinced you will go out of business / starve / live out of a shopping cart / sleep till 2015 / lose all your friends / go bankrupt / die? If the phrase causes panic, then the odds are you are fearing one of these things or something like it.

I've learned over the years that when I Do Less, I do better -- better work, better sleep, better finances, better friendships. Our lives, like our tissue, needs space. Sweet empty space. Sometimes I'm better at allowing that sweet empty space to occur than others. This, clearly, isn't one of those times.

I could give you a lot of reasons -- a (finally) blossoming private practice, building a new training company, some confounding health issues that require me to experiment with treatment options, a desperate need to have a social life every now and then, a desperate need to spend some time with my husband, a genuine love of travel, the deadline for a seminar I'm teaching in (gulp) in 2 weeks. Those are all good reasons, right? Right?

Doesn't matter. I'm only one middle-aged (tired) woman. In 2008 I wrote on this experience for my client newsletter:

I've realized that as a middle-aged woman I honestly and simply can't do as much as I used to. I can’t multi-task like I used to. I can no longer be hyper-functional. 

What?! A grown woman refusing to be hyper-functional?!? I mean, hyper-functioning middle aged women are, I think, what really holds our society together sometimes. Won't that crash our economy faster than the sub-prime mortgage crisis?  

Well, perhaps we should find out. I realized that since I was 18, I've been living the life of two full-time women. It’s time to cut back to just living the life and doing the work of one full-time woman. How do I do that?  

I miss deadlines. I don't step up. I don't sign up. I don’t join in. I don't come through in a pinch. I don't go above and beyond. I don't take one for the team. I do respect the 24 hour day and 8 hours of sleep. I don't rise to the challenge. I don't make it happen. I don’t excel. I don’t push through. I do what I can and then I stop. I don’t volunteer to be a savior. I accept being in the middle of the pack, not at the head of it. 

I disappoint people.

That sounds pretty good, huh? Yet here I am again 5 years later. Obviously, this is going to be a life-long challenge. Running my own business makes it even harder. I can't assume someone else is going to pick up the slack if I don't get something done. There is no one else.

We all know the effects of running too hard. We see it on our tables every day. It can kill us, it simply can.

So I have to decide to Do Less. I have to write it on a big chalkboard that I see every morning because it's darned difficult for me!

How do I do less? Spread out some of those medical appointments. Don't take on a new class (or maybe a new client). Don't volunteer so much, even for something truly awesome. Say no, no matter how painful. It's difficult to do this. It requires trust that everything will turn out OK anyways. Trust is a scary word.

But if our clients are going to thrive, if we are going to thrive, the answer is often to do less, not more. I don't know what your sane limit is but I hope you know it (or would at least recognize it in a police line-up) and have a decent working relationship with it. Like most important relationships, you and I will probably be working on it our whole lives.

Busted! (by my own client, no less!)

Is there anyone out there who hasn't had a client ask "and when does the massage therapist get a massage?", usually with a twinkle in their eye? And you don't have a good answer? It's sooooooo embarrassing when our clients catch us out like that.

I have a client who has been seeing me weekly 5 or 6 years. As you can imagine, we've gotten to know each other pretty well. She knew I was having some frustration with a professional relationship, that I wanted to end it but was dragging my feet about it.

She proceeded to lecture me about setting professional boundaries, taking care of myself, having faith in my practice, and making sensible business decisions. All of which she's learned from......reading this blog. Yes, she quoted my own [blankety blank] blog back to me!

Damn.

So (sigh) in the last week I've given notice and the relationship will be ending in a timely manner in a professional manner. I don't know whether to be proud of her or embarrassed at myself!

MTs and the ACA

Read this. That's all I'm going to say (because she says it so damned well!).

http://www.lighthold.org/fish-or-cut-bait/

Are You Smart Enough?

Next week I'm teaching a 4-hour class on business plans for massage therapists. It's at 8 am and I've got 35 people signed up. Let me say that again: at 8 am. They must want this bad. I often see clients until 9 pm or later so there's lots of days I'm just waking up at 8 am! I'm going to have to get a good night's sleep the night before this class!

I'm pretty confident I can deliver material that will be useful to everyone in that room. I'm passionate about making business knowledge accessible to MTs, explaining things in language we can understand. Translating "standard" biz concepts into something people like us can work with.

I would like to say that it's the result of my degree in business or my extensive experience managing obscenely profitable businesses. I possess neither of those. I have no formal training in business. I have (1) real-world experience in building (and re-building) a modestly successful practice and (2) a gift for learning new stuff and translating it to the general public.

10 years ago I knew virtually nothing about business. Then my alma mater, the Potomac Massage Training Institute, got desperate for someone to teach business practices and asked me if I'd take it on. That request gave me a moment's pause (see: "uneducated in business", above) but then I thought "what the heck, I bet I can figure this out" and I proceeded to do just that.

In the process I discovered I'm really fascinated by the subject and (more importantly) by making the subject accessible to other MTs and microbusinesses. I was born to teach, baby!

What about you? What are you not doing right now because you don't have formal education in it or didn't go to college or "only" have a GED? What have you convinced yourself you're not smart enough to do?

(Note: I do not mean passing yourself off as competent in something you've never studied, like lymph drainage or visceral manipulation! Don't go there, don't do that.)

In our culture right now we are absurdly obsessed with the idea that a college degree is the way to health, wealth, and happiness. You must get a college degree if you don't want to end up hungry and homeless.

I have a college degree (BA, Journalism) and I have this to say about that: bullcrap. I know way too many people who are brilliant at what they do who do not possess a college degree.

There's so many things we have to learn on our own in this industry. Our training programs are struggling to keep up with the changes in the profession and the rising expectations put on us. We simply need (and want) to know more than we did 20-30 years ago. It's a natural problem to have as a profession matures but it means we often have to educate ourselves about things like research, business, new insights into how the body works, etc.

Telling yourself you're not smart enough or educated enough to do that is like tying your shoelaces together and then trying to go for a walk! Not going to get far.

If you are a practicing massage therapist, if you finished a professional training program, you are smart enough. Find places to learn the things you need to learn. Find people with the information you need and learn from them. Find the books, websites, journals, blogs, and conferences that can feed you the info you need.

Go out there and get yourself smarter. I know you can do it!

You've Asked, I've Listened.....

You've asked, we've listened, and The Healing Core is bringing her back in time to get yourself ready for your taxes: Margo Bowman! Our favorite massage therapist + accountant.

You have three (3!) chances to let her help you be a smarter (and more profitable) business owner (and the Early Bird Discount for all three of these ends in two weeks):

If you already know your stuff pretty well but just need to know what's changed in 2013

If you're just starting out and need someone to help you get started well and correctly (and save you money!)

If you are ready to really own your responsibilities for your bookkeeping, deductions, and financial decision (and, no, having an accountant is NOT enough).

If you've been thinking about it, now is the time to sign up and reap those early-bird discounts.

Define "Employment"

In the last 24 hours I've run across two places where massage therapy organizations (one of which was the AMTA, sigh) were using the term "employment" incorrectly. Drives me batty so let me lay out a simple truth here.

Are You Employed? 

Employed means you work for someone else as an employee. It has a specific legal definition. It's not just a general term for "I work for pay" or "I work within an organization as a massage therapist".

Do You Work For Yourself?

When you are an employee you have an employer who files W2s and W4s for you, withholds taxes (and submits them to the government for you), etc. An employer has greater control over your day-to-day work world (schedule, dress code, work protocols, etc.) than you do so they take greater responsibility for you (providing tools, space, clients, etc. you need to do your job).

Are You Self-Employed?

When you are an employee you don't get to claim any of your work-related expenses as business expenses. This is important!

Are You An Employee?

If you are not an employee, you are self-employed. You may work out of your home or a rented space; you may work in someone else's organization as an independent contractor.

If you are working in your home or office space, no one provides you any paperwork to show how much you made this year. That's your job. If you are an independent contractor (and you receive more than $600 from an organization in a year), that organization will send you a 1099 to use when filing your taxes. In either case, you have to withhold your own taxes and mail them to the government quarterly.

You get more control over your work environment (or should insist that you do) because the organization you are working with is taking less responsibility for you.

When you are self-employed, your work-related expenses are tax-deductible.

Where Do You Work?

Am I just being a fussy word-geek? I certainly can be but I'm not in this case. The words we use have the power to define our reality. They also represent how we understand the world. If we use the word "employee" or "employed", the odds are good that the subconscious picture in our head is of, well, traditional legal employment with all the rights, privileges, and restrictions thereof. Odds are if that's the picture in your head, you will act accordingly. 

Who Do You Work For?

 

 

If you don't embrace the reality of being self-employed -- in all its permutations -- you risk not recognizing when and how to stand up for yourself, to say no, to draw healthy business boundaries. Even worse, you risk sounding like an ill-informed fool when you bitch and moan about not getting the kinds of benefits and support due an employee when you are not an employee.

 

We hate it when people use the wrong word -- masseuse -- to refer to our profession. If you care enough about language to care about that, then you also need to care enough about language to use "employed" and "self-employed" correctly.