Re-believing

I have a degree in journalism. I spent 20 years as a professional writer before I became a massage therapist. I continue to write professionally, even as a massage therapist.

Yet, every time I sit down in front of a blank page or screen, I have to go looking for that place inside of me that contains my writer-ness. I have to choose to believe, once again, that I can write and write well enough to justify claiming people's reading time.

After more than 30 years, I still have to do that virtually every time I sit down to write.

I've spent a few hours this afternoon working on the outline for my business book. I have written business columns for 5 years. I taught business practices for 4 years. I still have all that material. Yet, when I opened a blank document called "outline", I had a moment or three of wondering if I had any idea what I was doing! (4 pages of outline later, I'm feeling much better about that.)

It happens with massage sometimes too. I've been rubbing the naked people for 10 years. Yet there are days I would walk into the massage room and think "What the heck am I doing here? What the heck do I know???".

There's a particular place inside of me, apparently, where my professionalism lives (I think it's somewhere near the 3rd chakra). The connection to that place can, apparently, be lost, misplaced, or at least overlooked for a while. The connection, apparently, needs to be re-established from time to time, maybe especially since the "success" of my work is so....subjective. Did you like it or not? That's pretty subjective.

But today I found my way to my Professionalism Place, my 3rd chakra, my whatever. Hope I can find it again tomorrow.