Which did you pick more often, the first word in the par or the second word? The first words are words that make more sense in a professional relationship. The second words make more sense in a personal relationship.
Is there something wrong with being nice or friendly to our clients? Possibly. That doesn't mean that you have to be not-nice or un-friendly. It means placing a higher value on being professional, knowledgeable, insightful, etc.
When we are more strongly motivated by the kind of ideals that come from our personal life, we are (consciously or not) asking our clients to feed the needs of our personal life. Our friends and family are meant to feed the needs of our personal life. If your personal relationship needs are not being met by your personal life, then you need to work on your personal life, not focus that energy on your clients.
It's stunningly easy to fall into this trap.
- Being uncomfortable with thinking of ourselves as business people.
- Having a negative association with the phrase "professional".
- Being uncomfortable with getting paid for an intimate relationship.
- Not really understanding / not being sufficiently trained to be both intimate and professional.
- Working too many hours for a personal life.
- Working a schedule that doesn't sync up with our friends and family (so we rarely see them).
- Struggling to make ends meet so we don't have the money to go out, go on vacation, etc.
- Doing work that can be emotionally / psychically / spiritually draining.
- Being culturally trained to value nice and friendly above all else.
In my experience, ethical challenges arise for one of two reasons:
- you don't know any better / weren't trained properly
- you have a (legitimate) personal need that isn't being met by your personal life
A good sign of either of these conditions is what kind of adjectives you would like your clients to use when describing you.
What language is more dominant in your head today?
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